I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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