I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
