i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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