I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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