If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love having hate sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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