I cut my penus on the lid.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
