im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
