Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
