He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
