your parents love me but you hate me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
