haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
