my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
