I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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