Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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