im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
