Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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