I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
