Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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