Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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