I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
