I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
