Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
