my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
