then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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