Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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