just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
