I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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