Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
