Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
