i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
