he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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