i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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