So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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