Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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