Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
