Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
