He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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