i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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