Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
