I cut my penus on the lid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
