I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
