At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
