I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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