dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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