I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
