How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
