u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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