I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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