My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
