I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
